The Tuesdays With Cory Christmas Extravaganza (Pt. 2): Ranking The Office Christmas Episodes

In what is without a doubt the longest-titled Tuesdays with Cory post in the blog’s short existence, I’m continuing last year’s “extravaganza” – which at the time apparently only amounted to one festive post – by spreading some holiday cheer in the form of good-old-fashioned Buzzfeed clickbait ranking fodder.  We all know The Office: it’s that show you put on on Netflix for the thousandth time instead of watching something new, and here in December you can do that in a somewhat less guilty way by telling yourself it’s to watch the Christmas episodes and get into a yuletide mood.  I myself did exactly that this past weekend, going through all of the beloved series’ gift exchanges and other corporate mishaps to determine which of Dunder Mifflin’s merry exploits was the best and worst, and all in between, and I can’t wait for you all to disagree with me.  Starting with the worst…

Don’t make me put on my hard-ass hat.

7.) “Dwight Christmas” – S9, Ep9.  While I do love the punny title, and of course enjoy a classic Pennsylvania Dutch game of “Impish or Admirable,” this episode just isn’t doing it for me, especially relative to the others on this list.  It’s mired in Season 9’s worthwhile but often hard-to-watch sports marketing strife subplot, with Jim and Pam struggling to adapt to time apart and Darryl getting wasted in a way that’s also due to it, and it also features a heavy dose of the microwaved Pete and Erin romance that’s trying desperately to be a flash-fried version of the Jim and Pam love story but winds up undercooked.  It also suffers from the late-season issue of featuring absolutely no Michael Scott – though it admittedly benefits from the late-game Jim-and-Dwight relationship, which I absolutely love.

Yes! He is finally nigh!

6.) “Classy Christmas” – S7, Ep11-12.  One of the two two-parters on this list, Classy Christmas is the one that I really, really want to like more than I do.  It has a few things going for it – the return of Holly (a Christmas-themed name, as it were) is enough to get the audience’s attention, and the diabolical, continually escalating snowball fight between Jim and Dwight that starts with a harmless offhand remark is funny, especially at the end, but the Andy-Darryl-Pam-Jada subplot falls completely flat and has a goofy ending if you ask me.  Not a whole lot else to report, though good on Jim (Bear-man’s alter-ego) for shelling out for some nice-looking jewelry for Pam.

Bond – Santa Bond.  I’ll take an eggnog, shaken, not stirred.

5.) “Moroccan Christmas” – S5, Ep11. The comedic meat of this episode is probably found in Michael Scott, the world’s least qualified person to lead an intervention with an alcoholic, leading an intervention after Meredith sets her hair on fire while belly-dancing.  His dragging her into a rehab clinic to “make a deposit” is hilarious, as is Andy’s outrageously annoying insistence on playing the sitar nonstop while everyone else is trying to enjoy the party.  We also find Dwight capitalizing on the commercialization of Christmas by selling the year’s hottest toy to desperate parents (including Darryl and, comically, Toby) at a huge upcharge, and Phyllis deals Angela a crushing blow in the latest battle in the continuing PPC saga.

I am a black belt in gift wrapping.

4.) “Christmas Wishes” – S8, Ep10. One of the two Michael-less episodes on this list, Christmas Wishes gets high marks primarily for the Jim and Dwight reverse prank battle that takes place with their Christmas bonuses on the line, which includes Dwight sending Pam a $200 bouquet of flowers from Jim using his stolen credit card information and Dwight trying to frame Jim using a porcupine named Henrietta.  Also of note is the involvement of Robert California, played ever-so-expertly by James Spader, who I think is one of the series’ more underrated characters.  His plotline, which involves taking care of Erin after she gets too drunk and tells Andy that he wished his new girlfriend was “in a graveyard,” shows that he’s not a complete and total lost cause of a human being.

Jim gets really pranky when he drinks.

3.) “Secret Santa” – S6, Ep13. Perusing similar Christmas episode ranking posts around the internet, I feel that this one – Michael’s penultimate Christmas at Dunder Mifflin – doesn’t really get the love it deserves.  It features probably the most wholesome and incident-less gift exchange in the series – though Andy’s choice of giving Erin the twelve days of Christmas certainly doesn’t fit into any budget, nor is it the smoothest-sailing – and also finds Michael throwing a lot of heaters, from telling Ryan to “sit on his lap and there will be no doubt” while posing as Santa to dressing up as Jesus (really an inside-out Santa costume) and telling Stanley that he’s going to “H-E-L-L double hockey sticks.”

Unless the last piece is a gun, then you don’t have a gun.

2.) “Christmas Party” – S2, Ep10.  The OG Dunder Mifflin Scranton Christmas Party.  It’s hard not to slot this into the number-one spot, especially considering that it has everything you could ask for from an Office holiday episode: extreme awkwardness (Michael shattering the $20 gift limit by buying an iPod, only to transform the Secret Santa to “Yankee Swap” after unwrapping a hand-knitted oven mitt from poor Phyllis), hilarity (most of which ensues from the Yankee Swap switch, with people now unwrapping completely mismatched gifts), and a gooey emotional center.  Jim’s teapot gift – and the subtly snatched card that goes with it – sets the stage for both the eventual beginning of Jim and Pam’s ultimate courtship to its victory lap in A.A.R.M.

Look at the fine craftsmanship on that oven mitt.

1.) “A Benihana Christmas” – S3, Ep10-11. This one grabs the crown because it has absolutely everything: dueling Christmas parties, a disastrous Michael Scott rebound post-“Skison’s Greetings,” and an ending that actually possesses a rare cliffhanger.  The Office is at its best when Michael is trying to deal with his romantic misadventures in the worst and most ridiculous possible way, and A Benihana Christmas is a case study in that art form.  There’s also the requisite amount of Jim and Dwight banter, from the goose-greased cold open to the Committee to Determine the Validity of the Two Committees (one of my favorite jokes in the whole series).  A++.

Cindy, why don’t you start us all off with a round of Nog-a-Sakes?

So there you have it.  I honestly don’t know what’ll happen next week – maybe we’ll get Part 3 of the ongoing Christmas Extravaganza (open to suggestions on this), or maybe we won’t.  Either way, Happy Holidays from Tuesdays with Cory!

 

The Tuesdays With Cory Christmas Extravaganza (Pt. 1)

Friends, lovers, family, enemies, and everyone in between: as the song says, it’s the most wonderful time of the year, and I’m (hopefully) here to spread some Christmas cheer your way as the 25th of December rapidly approaches.  This week, I’ll be running down a “holiday wishlist” of sorts, discussing some of my most-beloved and most-watched Christmas movies over the years.  If you’ve got time between last-minute shopping, trimming the tree, or shoveling the walk, feel free to check this list (you might even want to check it twice), and maybe even pop one or two of these into the VCR.  Well, no one has VCRs anymore, but you get my drift.

Remember, George – no man is a failure who has friends.  Merry Christmas!

It’s a Wonderful Life – This one is probably my single favorite holiday film, and also one of my favorite movies of all time, and so I’m leading with it here.  One could, in fact, make the argument that it’s not much of a Christmas movie given that very little of it actually takes place on or near the holiday – in that sense, Die Hard is much more of a Christmas movie than It’s a Wonderful Life will ever be, but let’s not jump down that rabbit hole (Die Hard is a Christmas movie, by the way).  Of all the movies I’ll be talking about, this is probably the one I’ve watched most, and it’s also the oldest, proving in some small sense that cinema is capable of standing the test of time.  What’s especially interesting about it, though, is that in spite of the widespread love it receives today, it initially performed poorly at the box office (due, according to its Wikipedia article, to “stiff competition”), and even more dubious is the fact that it only took home a single Oscar statuette: a Technical Achievement Award for the development of a new snowfall technique (it was also nominated for Best Picture, Best Actor for Jimmy Stewart, Best Director for Frank Capra, Best Film Editing, and Best Sound Recording).

Oscar-worthy snow.

The Santa Clause – This is maybe the film on my Christmas movie wishlist that most consistently makes me laugh (its only real competition is Christmas Vacation), with constant one-liners that hold up every year.  It’s what I undoubtedly feel is Tim Allen‘s finest moment (I suppose Toy Story is a near runner-up), and also features what I think is one of the more brilliantly imaginative and vibrant depictions of Santa Claus in film.  You don’t need to bother with either of the sequels (The Santa Clause 2 is alright, but I’ll admit that I’ve never even bothered to watch the critically panned third installment featuring Martin Short as Jack Frost), but this one is a comparatively easygoing watch that you should be able to find on cable easily enough.

Eric Lloyd (Charlie) actually did a pretty interesting Reddit AMA a few years back focusing on his experience working with Tim Allen on this film.

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation – With a real earworm of a theme song and a truly iconic performance from National Lampoon’s leading man Chevy Chase, this is another solid gold classic that’s easy to find on TV during this time of year.  From the absurdist humor of the sledding scene to the character-driven antics of the family convergence dominating the second act, Christmas Vacation finds itself constantly producing lines that you and your family will be adopting as your own inside jokes for years to come.  If you carve out the time to watch this one, you’ll have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tapdanced with Danny f***ing Kaye!

Take a look around you, Ellen!  We’re at the threshold of hell!

The Family Man – No holiday is complete without a little Nicolas Cage, and while the Fourth of July has National Treasure, Halloween has Ghost Rider and Pay The Ghost, and April Fools Day has…a lot of options, Christmas without a doubt has The Family Man, in which Cage’s character, after publicly performing a selfless act of kindness, is given the chance at a “glimpse” of what his life would be like if he had stayed in America with his then girlfriend (Tea Leoni) instead of flying to London and “going into arbitrage.”  With a solid message, the expected but nonetheless memorable dose of Cage, and a solid supporting turn by Don Cheadle as an angel, this has fallen into place as my family’s typical Christmas Eve watch, and for good reason.

Two-hundred forty-eight dollars, B.  Cheddar comin’!

A Christmas Carol (1951) – I’ll admit that I’m choosing this version of Charles Dickens’ classic tale from a veritable sea of versions simply because it’s the one my dad most enjoys, and therefore it’s probably the one I’ve seen the most frequently.  Sure, Alastair Sim‘s acting is hammy at times, and sure, a black-and-white story focusing often on poverty and despair in 1800s London can often be a little grim, dry, and hard to swallow (or stay awake for), but it’s a critical watch (or read) for anyone looking for a more secular reminder of the reason for the season.

Me when I realize I forgot someone on my Christmas gift list on December 24th.

Some honorable mentions that I unfortunately didn’t have the space to cover, but are still typical holiday season watches for me: A Charlie Brown Christmas, How The Grinch Stole Christmas (original animated version), Elf, A Christmas Story, The Polar Express, Home Alone, and a whole bunch of the old claymation specials from back in the day (The Year Without a Santa Claus, Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer, Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town), even though many might not consider those full-blown films.  Any others I missed?  Let me know!

Tune in next week for The Tuesdays With Cory Christmas Extravaganza Pt. 2 (subject matter TBD – more movies are an option, as is a ranking of The Office‘s Christmas episodes; let me know of any holiday-themed things you’d like to read about in the comments!).